DOES HE HAVE A PROBLEM?
- Is he accessing online pornography, chatting online about sex-related topics, or playing sexually explicit video games?
- Is he using the internet more frequently and/or for a longer time?
- Is he growing increasingly more obsessed with viewing pornographic images?
- Is he spending less time with family members or with other interpersonal relationships?
- Is he showing less interest in interpersonal sexual relations or becoming more interested in bizarre or uncomfortable sexual activities?
- Is he getting up in the middle of the night to use the computer?
- Does reviewing the “history” of the computer reveal pornographic sites?
- Is he becoming less productive at work? (Most pornography is viewed during the work day.)
- Does he show symptoms of tolerance—a need for an increased amount or greater intensity of the pornographic material?
- Does he show symptoms of withdrawal--such as anxiety, difficulty concentrating, or restlessness and unease—when the internet or pornographic material is not available?
- Does he or she stop for a while, but then start up again, in a cycle of abstaining and bingeing?
- Does the behavior continue despite knowing the fact that it is causing (or exacerbating) other problems?
The Center for Internet Recovery has a test to help determine if your spouse has an internet problem or addiction. Go to www.netaddiction.com/cyberwidows/cyberwidows/partners_test.htm
Do you, the spouse, find yourself:
- Obsessing on his/ her sexual behavior?
- Feeling like you have to watch him/ her, control him/ her.
- Worried that his or her sexual behavior may ruin your relationship?
- Feeling you have to hide or deny his/her problematic sexual behavior.
- Concerned that things are getting out of control?
- Overlooking behavior that insulted you or disturbed you?
- Find yourself arguing that things are ok or fine, when you know they are not?
- Do you feel responsible for his/ her sexual problems?
- Is sex given or withdrawn as a punishment or reward?
- Neglecting your spiritual life?