INTEGRATIVE SOLUTIONSCatholic tradition has always recognized the unity of the human person in body and spirit. It is the whole person who is uniquely created by God with intellect and freedom of will, who is called to friendship with God through faith in Jesus Christ, and who is formed in holiness through a life of virtue and participation in the Sacraments of the Church.
Because of the interconnection of physical and spiritual attributes in the person, human health depends on the right ordering of both the body and the soul. This includes one’s emotional life and desires. The right ordering of one’s relationship to God depends not only on spiritual qualities, such as one’s strength of faith, it also owes a great deal to one’s mental health. Having compulsive tendencies or a distorted view of reality (among other possible problems) can severely diminish a person’s ability to perceive and respond to God’s call—their freedom to love.
As Catholic Christians, we believe that the ultimate source of dis-integration or dis-unity in human persons is original sin. Our human nature was wounded by Original Sin. As a result, we have a tendency to be drawn to what is not good for us. Our emotions are not always governed by our reason. Our willpower is weakened, our intellect darkened. We want to do X, but we end up doing Y. As Saint Paul says, “I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want” (Rom 7: 19). As a result, we live in a sinful, imperfect world with problems in our personal life, our families, our neighborhoods, and our culture. The disorder and confusion of our fallen state plays itself out in the arena of sexual relations. Many people may be ignorant of sound Catholic doctrine or have been so indoctrinated by the secularized culture that they adopt faulty beliefs and inappropriate sexual behavior that harms not only the individual, but also society as a whole.
We believe that we will be happier and healthier (in this life, as well as in the next) when we follow the moral teachings of the Church. And a growing body of scientific research lends credence to the positive effects of religion on health (see, for example, the 11/10/2003 Newsweek article, "Faith & Healing"). While much of the popular media makes a concerted effort to glamorize sin, the truth about sin is that it is unhealthy, destructive, and dreary. It may offer short-term, immediate gratification, but ultimately sin becomes self-defeating. Those who hear the gritty truth, such as priests in the confessional, therapists in the clinic, and the loved ones of many who are afflicted, know the rest of the story. Fr. John Harvey, OSFS, has noted that in his many years of hearing confessions, he has never met a person who masturbated and did not wish to be rid of the habit. For a behavior that today is more often celebrated than discouraged, it seems odd that so many people should find themselves enslaved to it.Sexual problems, such as compulsive pornography use, are not isolated problems. Rather, they cause other problems in many different areas of life. (go to
Using Porn? for a discussion of the problems.) Underlying the pornography use may also be past emotional hurts, faulty core beliefs, or ongoing depression. One begins to make progress in one area…only to discover a new problem. This can result in discouragement and sometimes even a sense of hopelessness, that one can never beat this problem. As Christians, we have hope. Christ came to give us life, where there had been death through sin. He came to restore unity to our bodies and spirits, through His transforming grace: “Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more” (Romans 5:20). For many, the thought of living chastely seems an impossible task, yet we are encouraged to live up to this ideal by Christ himself: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matt 5:8). God always gives us the grace we need to live a Christian life.
God also counts on us to do our part. We need to obey His commandments, cultivate an ongoing friendship with Him and participate in the saving mission of his Church. We also have available the discoveries and advances of science which, in concert with the truths of the Catholic faith, can help us become healthy in mind, body, and spirit. As Saint Irenaeus said, “The glory of God is the human person fully alive.”
The three main areas impacted by the pornography addiction are psychological, social and spiritual. Not only are these the three main areas impacted, but there is a growing consensus among mental health professionals to approach the diagnostic assessment and treatment of addiction in an integral manner to adequately consider the different factors that play in the development of the addiction. We believe that hope and recovery can only take place when all three areas are addressed and become part of the solution. Hope and recovery return when the person is no longer at odds against himself or herself, but is working to integrate his/her life—psychologically, socially, and spiritually. Then unity is restored.
INTEGRATIVE SOLUTIONS - PSYCHOLOGICAL The human body was created to be a gift fully expressed in exclusive marital union that is open to new life. Our psychology and bodily chemistry is built for relationship. Whenever we have sex, our bodies produce hormones that lead women to bond with their partner and lead men to be protective. When sexual activity occurs within a stable and loving marriage, these biochemical processes strengthens the relationship. When people have sex without such a commitment, however, it leads to jealousy, hurt feelings, and a diminished sense of self-worth, as the biochemical processes have no reliable object. People with compulsive or addictive sex behaviors generally use pornography and masturbation to relieve or distract themselves from negative emotions or stress. In some cases they may also be ‘self-medicating’ due to a traumatic and/or abuse experience in the past (Gorski & Miller, 1986). In addition to certain faulty, core beliefs held by all sexual addicts, unstructured time, heavy responsibility without support and accountability, and high demands for excellence are common triggers for addictive behaviors (Carnes, 2001). Often these individuals have a difficult time being open and intimate with others. They are caught in a compulsive cycle that attempts to compensate, soothe, regulate, and distract temporarily from real struggles. Addictive sexual behavior differs from healthy sexuality in that it is compulsive, associated with severe mood shifts, is emotionally detached, is not fulfilling, and leaves the individual feeling ashamed and guilty (Manning, 2006). Mature sexuality involves freedom from lust, abstinence until marriage, continence when not having sex with one’s spouse, and total self-giving in the spousal relationship (including during sex). A mature sexuality will ultimately be fulfilling, enhancing of self-worth, and stabilizing (Manning, 2006).
- Lust is the desire for sexual gratification without regard for the purpose and meaning of sexual activity. Typically, this disregard takes the form of an attitude that makes pleasure the highest good in sex and fails to acknowledge or abide by its true goods: unity of spouses and the procreation of new life.
- Abstinence is the avoidance of sexual activity in recognition that one is not in the proper relationship to engage in it, the proper relationship being the married state.
- Continence is the avoidance of sexual activity in marriage at times when either spouse is not prepared to have sex. The cultivation of this virtue is an essential part of a healthy relationship, by which both spouses can respect one another’s needs and maintain the purity of their union.
- Chastity is both a moral virtue and a gift from God that allows an individual self-mastery. Chastity ensures the unity of the person, the powers of life and love placed in him by God. Chastity is the free governing of an individual's passions--neither being dominated by them nor giving into blind impulses. (See Catechism, no. 2338 ff.)
- Total self-giving is the dedication of spouses to serving one another selflessly: that is, without thought of what is to be gained for oneself. This includes such things as tending to one another’s needs, providing comfort and pleasure (including sexual pleasure), and generally desiring the other’s good---always within the limits of moral behavior.
No one needs pornography or masturbation in order to be sexually healthy. The effort to relate to other people, whether one is single or married, is difficult and can take considerable effort. Yet the rewards of good friendships and a good marriage are the most satisfying things in life, which fulfill us at our deepest levels and open us to greater opportunities for growth and maturity. By contrast, the fleeting pleasure of masturbation is limiting and isolating, and closes one off from others. Four faulty, core beliefs lay the foundation for sexual addictions, according to psychologist Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. author of
Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction, and foremost researcher in sexual addictions. These faulty, core beliefs are:
- I am basically a bad, unworthy person.
- No one can love me as I am.
- My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend upon others.
- Sex is my most important need. (Carnes, 2001, page152ff.)
Many of these beliefs are reinforced by our culture which often is pushing the sexual agenda, making it even more difficult for the person to resist sexual addictions. (Carnes et al 2001). A key aspect of recovery is dependent upon challenging and eventually eradicating these faulty, core beliefs.
As Christians, we know that our dignity resides in being a child of God. I am created in the image and likeness of God. Christ died to save me—even though I am a sinner. We also know that God’s mercy is infinite, we are all members of the Body of Christ, and that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. Our faith proposes beliefs that will ultimately be the source of true happiness.
A cognitive-behavioral approach to eliminate or reduce the effect of these false beliefs might be a place to start. But overcoming the faulty, core beliefs requires more than a simple assertion on a cognitive level. These beliefs may not even be fully conscious, but may be deeply rooted in a wounded psyche. In order to address these faulty beliefs and overcome the sexual addiction, Carnes et al (2001) propose first order and second order changes (see
therapists and clergy section for more detail on this). They believe that effective recovery from severe sexual addiction entails:
- individual and group therapy
- couples therapy
- therapy with and for the spouse
- recovery/support groups
- medication if appropriate
- spiritual guidance
A primary therapist/clinician trained in addictions is key, as well as group therapy that allows sharing experiences and helping others to recover.
If a person has an addiction to sexual activity, then most likely there are other obsessions or addictions as well. This is another reason to have a therapist or help in managing all the addictions. There may also be childhood or traumatic incidents in the past that need to be addressed as well.
Family therapy and therapy for the spouse are also recommended (see the social factors section following.)
Resources for an integrated psychological approach
Clinical Help:
Alpha Omega Clinic (Northern Virginia and Southern Maryland)
www.aoccs.orgFor Catholic Clinicians go to:
www.catholictherapists.com INTEGRATIVE SOLUTIONS - SOCIAL
Although we are each responsible for our own sexual behavior, we have to address our environment if we are going to recover and get back on track. Our society and culture is becoming more and more sexualized with a proliferation of multi media use for sex related activities. In the words of Fr. Emmerich Vogt (2000), sex is used to sell everything. Rare is a movie that does not depict lust in a favorable light, whether between the married or the unmarried, the same sex or the opposite sex. According to Carnes et al. (2001), there are about 100,000 Web sites selling sex in some way, and about 200 sex-related Websites are added each day. These socio cultural factors are fertile ground for the different forms of sexual addiction, including cybersex addiction. The growing accessibility and necessary use of internet is profoundly changing many aspects of our society and culture. Notwithstanding the positive opportunities offered by this technology, what is becoming clear is that cybersex can be problematic to the point that it could ruin one’s life, career, marriage and family life.
Conner (2006) notes that there is no perfect way to effectively prevent access to cybersex activities. Fortunately, there are a number of ways to control internet use (Conner, 2006) that enhance accountability and social consequences. Placing the computer in a highly visible and public place can help create accountability and establish social consequences for both adults and children. Adults who suffer from some forms of substance addictions, mental or mood disorders, and relationship difficulties must be highly cautious in using internet activities to alleviate the stress or emotional pain. Bearing in mind that pornography is a grave moral offense against the dignity of the human person and a transgression against the will of God is a good deterrent from starting imprudently or exposing oneself deliberately to any pornography or cybersex activity. Frequent reception of the sacraments, a mature spiritual life rooted in prayer, and practicing a life of virtue helps the individual to avoid temptations of internet pornography and cybersex and facilitates a balanced and joy-filled life.
Social aspects critical to recovery:Family and spouse. The sexual behavior of the porn user or cybersex addict hurts those he or she loves the most. Recovery entails reuniting with them. Repairing damage, asking for forgiveness and making a commitment to change so that forgiveness can occur, endorsing help for the spouse and family members.
The spouse of a porn addict is probably tempted to obsess on the sexual or online behavior of the addict. This is neither helpful for the addict nor for the co-dependent. It is necessary for the spouse to be free to address and think about their own needs, and not the acting out behavior of the sexually addicted or sexually obsessed spouse.
Many spouses disclose that as painful as the infidelity is, the destruction of trust from the lying and secret activity hurts more. Men need to realize that women take this very personally as they should. It is a direct assault on the fidelity of the marriage. And most women see online sexual activity as grave as a live sexual affair. Rebuilding trust entails getting help. This will include encouraging the spouse or loved ones to get psychological help, ideally with a Catholic or Christian clinician to understands the dynamics of sexual problems and can assist in recovery. In every case it will entail encouraging
spiritual help.
The involvement of the spouse in treatment is one of the key predictors of success according to Patrick Carnes. Carnes says that when spouse and family are involved, successful recovery is more likely.
In addition, encouraging spouses and loved ones to attend S-anon Family Recovery groups, and to strengthen their spiritual life with regular meetings with a confessor or spiritual director is a great resource.
Friends and support groups
One of the great liabilities of sexual obsession and sexual addiction is the isolation, loneliness, and removal from intimate and valuable social interactions. Friends become alienated by the amount of time and energy spent on the addiction, and the result is spiritual and psychological isolation. Recovery entails opening the doors and letting loved ones and friends back in.
Having someone you trust to help with accountability is very important. If involved in a 12 step group, then a sponsor will help with personal growth and in managing the 12 steps. S-Anon or a 12 step program can guide one through the stages of admitting to God how overwhelming the problem is and surrendering to Him, acknowledging His power, and obediently and humbly addressing the pain, fears, resentments that have helped create the problem. Meeting on a regular basis with other people suffering from similar addictions is a powerful aid to accountability and aid for recovery. The wisdom of the 12 step program, integrated with the Catholic faith, can be a powerful tool in recovery.
A spiritual director or priest confessor can also be very helpful. And for those suffering from same sex attraction, a Courage Group is invaluable.
Resources
(12 Step)
Sexaholics Anonymous International Central Office
P.O. Box 3565
Brentwood, TN 37024
E-mail: saico@sa.org
Phone: (615) 370-6062
Toll-free: (866) 424-8777
Fax: (615) 370-0882
Web page: http://www.sa.org/index.php
S-Anon International Family Groups
P.O.Box 111242
Nashville, TN 37222-1242
(800) 210-8141 or 1 (615) 833 3152
e-mail: sanon@sanon.org
www.sanon.org/HOPE.HTM
The King's Men: A group united to help build men in the role of leader, protector, and provider. Visit their website:
http://www.thekingsmen.us/
INTEGRATIVE SOLUTIONS - SPIRITUAL
A successful approach to a pornography or lust problem must integrate the biological, psychological and social factors that can lead to sexual addiction and compulsion. But that it does not account for the totality of the human person, who is in himself a composite of body and soul. The Catholic Church’s view is that we must see the human person in his totality. Thus, spiritual factors must be taken into consideration if indeed the person will recover and restore unity of body, mind, and spirit. Sexaholics Anonymous defines a sexaholic as someone for whom lust has become an addiction. Lust, which is itself an inordinate and excessive attachment to sexual pleasure, is essentially a spiritual problem and therefore calls for a spiritual solution (Vogt, 2000). Jesus told the Samaritan woman at the well who had previously five husbands (Jn 4, 14), that her thirst can only be quenched by the living water that only He can give. Vogt (2000) said that those who struggle with sexual addiction can find comfort and benefit in praying with the saints who have struggled with this disorder. St. Augustine once said, “Lord, help me to find in you what I was looking for in lust." God alone can really and truly satiate that thirst. In light of the integral model, those who are addicted to pornography can find much spiritual benefit in overcoming their addiction when they include frequent reception of the sacraments, fostering their personal relationship with Christ, and regular spiritual guidance or direction in concert with psychological counseling and other efforts.
Spiritual Resources
- Fr. Emmerich Vogt O.P. For information on the integration of the 12 steps and the Catholic Faith one great resource is the Dominican priest, Fr. Emmerich Vogt. His organization is called the 12 Step Review at http://www.12-step-review.org/about/index.html
- He has written pamphlets on each of the 12 steps called The 12 Step Review Pamphlet Series
- He has recorded talks on the integration of the 12 steps with the Christian Faith entitled: The Spirituality of the 12 Steps.
- His recording, Detaching with Love: Principles of the Spiritual Life, integrates spiritual life with psychologically healthy living. He also briefly discusses problems of purity.
- He also has a listing and catalog of other helpful books and resources.
- Father Thomas Morrow, Achieving Chastity in a Pornographic World. Father Morrow, author of Christian Courtship in an Oversexed World, gives us a new book for those seeking to be chaste and for those who love and advise them. Dr. William May calls this book “eminently practical,” one that gives “great hope” to people struggling with sexual temptations and addictions. “...effectively brings spirituality and morality together with the best contemporary psychological thinking.” – Fr. Benedict Groeschel, CFR . “Father Morrow concentrates on presenting a spiritual strategy which will help the person on the long road back to inner freedom. That strategy includes not only deep honesty with one’s self but also a life of reflective prayer, known as prayer of the heart.” – Father John F. Harvey, OSFS, Founder of Courage. www.achievechastity.net.
- COURAGE (http://couragerc.net/), an apostolate of the Roman Catholic Church, ministers to those with same-sex attractions and their loved ones. As they say on their home page: “We have been endorsed by the Pontifical Council for the Family, and our beloved John Paul II said of this ministry, ‘COURAGE is doing the work of God!’ We also have an outreach called Encourage which ministers to relatives and friends of persons with same-sex attractions.”
- Pastoral Letter by Bishop Paul Loverde of the Arlington (Virginia) Diocese. Entitled: Bought With A Price. Pornography and the Attack on the Living Temple of God. Go to http://www.arlingtondiocese.org/offices/communications/boughtprice.html The Confessions of Saint Augustine. Many of us have the mistaken notion that saints were just born good, or in this case, born pure, with little struggle. They were dealt an easier hand than the rest of us. The opposite is usually the case. A good example is St. Augustine, who struggled with lust most of his adult life, fathering a child out of wedlock as a teenager, and having a mistress for many years. His “Confessions” is a great spiritual resource. It is available in any bookstore, but there is also an unabridged audio version by Hovel Audio. Go to www.christianaudio.com for more information.
- Pastoral letter by Bishop Robert W. Finn, Diocese of Kansas City, "Blessed Are the Pure in Heart." It can be found at http://www.diocese-kcsj.org/Bishop-Finn/pastoral-07.htm
- St. Joseph's Covenant Keepers is an informal international network of Christian men, under the patronage of St. Joseph, dedicated to strengthening fatherhood and the family. Steve Wood's network and his website, http://www.dads.org/ offers practical help for men who want to become better fathers and also for those struggling with pornography.
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